Annoy People in Elevators

Annoy People in Elevators

How-to: Annoy People in Elevators

Elevators make people feel uncomfortable. The close proximity, the small box-like sensation, the sensation of being packed in like sardines, and sometimes the need to squeeze in and actually face someone in the elevator can really stretch the boundaries of normal social relations to breaking point.

When it seems like you could hear a pin drop and the tension is rising, maybe you’re in a naughtily playful mood for disturbing the elevator peace and annoying the thinly held-together social fabric of “normal” elevator behavior (namely, eyes averted and pretending to mind your own business). If so, give these annoying practices a go and watch the mayhem unfold!


  1. 1

    Say things that simply freak people out. There are plenty of silly things you can say in an elevator, and an online search will return hundreds of one liners. Do a small study of these lines and memorize the ones that you like the most and feel are most appropriate for your sense of humor in an elevator. However, it’s recommended that you avoid tasteless comments about lifts dropping or suffocating because some people find it genuinely distressing to travel in an elevator and you don’t want to cause harm to or panicin others. Here are some fun lines to get you started:

    Say things that simply freak people out.

    • Crack open your briefcase or purse. Pretend there is a small creature in it, and while peering inside, ask: “Got enough air/room in there?”.
    • When the elevator is quite full, be sure you’re standing at the back and cry out: “Oh, not now! Motion sickness!”
    • Be quiet, then suddenly announce something like “I’ve got new underpants on!”.
    • Suddenly announce: “Oh darn! I forgot to wear deodorant today!”
    • Use your cell phone to call the psychic hotline. Say “Hello? Psychic hotline? What floor am I on?”
    • Lean over to a fellow passenger and state knowingly: “They’re still watching me.”
  2. 2
    Turn and face people. When someone gets into the elevator, turn your body to face them or to face their side. And simply stare. It’s enough to make the other person’s skin crawl because this is really confronting behavior. Another way of causing people to do a double take is to face a corner in the elevator. Just stand there, facing it in the same way that you’d normally face the doors. This will leave people wondering: “Why on earth?”.Turn and face people.
  3. 3

    Whistle or sing. Do this extremely nonchalantly and without a care. Keeping it up as a perfectly natural way to act in an elevator is key to your success. If you’re really keen, ask others to join in your sing-along or to whistle your tune!

    • Another musical activity is to dance to the elevator music. Sway in time to the beat.Whistle or sing.
  4. 4

    Do your relaxation exercises. Take this as an opportunity to relax and chill for a few floors. Naturally, the type of relaxation activity you perform will depend on the amount of space left in the elevator, use your common sense.

    • Meditate. Shut your eyes and chant “Om, om, om, om, om, om” while facing one corner of the elevator.
    • Practice tai chi or some martial arts poses.
    • Attempt to levitate and ask other people how far off the floor you rose.Do your relaxation exercises.
  5. 5

    Play pranks. If you’re the joke-type who just happens to carry a prop or two with you when walking around, make use of the elevator opportunity. For example, slip out your big red nose and place it on, staying very serious looking. Or press that whoopee cushion every time a person gets into the elevator.Play pranks.

  6. 6

    Play elevator attendant. Greet your passengers and ask them to call you Captain Elevator. Ask passengers that just got on if you can push the button for them. Spend all of the ride using a golden voice over announcing the residents of every floor: “Floor number 10. Bluey’s office, Rachel’s favorite desk, the best tearoom in the entire building, and the building’s only quiet snogging corner.” Ask people to watch their step as they enter or leave and wish them a pleasant day.Play elevator attendant.

  7. 7

    Talk to your invisible friend. Have an involved conversation with someone who… isn’t there.Talk to your invisible friend.

  8. 8

    Show off your new purchases. If you’ve just come back from the stores with something new, share your great find with those in the elevator. Be effusive in explaining the virtues of your purchase, and try to make your excitement infectious. It’ll be hard for others not to respond.Show off your new purchases.

  9. 9

    Make out. If you’re with your beloved, this one can really disturb the peace. Start a passionate kiss, tell your loved one you’ve been dying to see them all day, and kiss again and again. Or make it a really long kiss between floors.Make out.

  10. 10
    Play the idiot.

    Play the idiot.

    Play the idiot. There is an infinite number of possibilities for playing the idiot on any occasion in life but an elevator provides you with a delightfully captive audience. Here are some perfect idiot acts:

    • Have an “Out of Order” sign in your hand and say, “I wonder why this pretty sign was on the doors when i got on”.
    • When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
    • Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: “Shut up, dang it! Just shut up!
    • On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom.
    • Make animal noises now and then. A meow, snort, neigh, woof, or moo will confirm your supreme strangeness.
    • Get out at each floor. Hop back in saying “No, wrong floor again. Where is my office?”.
    • Crack a joke and laugh really loudly. Perhaps don’t stop laughing until the next floor.
    • Push the elevator buttons and react in horror, as if they have given you a shock.
    • Drop something. When another person goes to retrieve it for you, yell: “NO! That’s mine!”
    • Pretend that you’re going into labor. If anyone takes it too seriously, simply stand up and say, “Oh thank goodness, false alarm.”
    • If you’re holding a box, ask someone if they’d like to hold your snake/scorpion/tarantula.
  11. 11
    Leave the elevator with dignity.

    Leave the elevator with dignity.

    Leave the elevator with dignity. Act as if nothing untoward ever took place and flash a smile as you exit the elevator. Return to your daily duties refreshed.

    —– article from   —

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